I love ghosts ships with a passion.  Don’t get wrong, I’m unlikely to be the first person who runs full pelt along the pier and smashes the doors to the Bridge in to investigate (the old “I’ll be right back!” line where YOU DON’T EVER COME BACK – yes I’ve seen enough horror films to know how it works), but I WOULD be one of the people standing ON the pier waiting to find out if the idiot who had rushed on board to have a look ever comes back.

Then when they didn’t I could do the “I told you so song” – for those of you who don’t know what that looks like, it looks like this:-

Anyway I digress.

The Herald reported the Yugoslavian-built pleasure cruiser, the MV Lyubov Orlova drifting alarmingly toward Devon, with what it reports to be, a ship full of cannibal, disease-ridden rats.  The ship certainly was a beauty in MV Lyubov Orlovaits heyday but unfortunately, all good things come to an end and she was in the process of being towed away to be scrapped when she allegedly broke free and made a run for it.  Now the press are printing horrendous headlines, like this one from Gawker.com:-

“Once the rats make landfall, they will be very, very hungry for something besides the raw flesh of their comrades at sea,”

and the Daily Mail:-

“Could this Russian ghost ship infested with CANNIBAL RATS beach in Britain?”

However, is this all just a game of Chinese whispers?  Other sources say that the ship has more than likely sank as it hasn’t been seen in over 12 months.  Also, the ship was fitted with Emergency Position Indicating Rescue Beacons (EPIRBs) which go off when the ship starts to sink.  These were allegedly activated around late last February.  It’s unlikely the ship would still be happily floating around nigh on a year later.

However, let’s not be boring and imagine for once that the skeptics are wrong.  Let’s, for the sake of argument, say that this ship IS heading towards Britain at an alarming rate, full of flesh-eating rats and once the ship hits the shore, it will break apart, unleashing thousands, maybe millions of one big flesh-eating-disease into God’s Green Country.  What would happen?

I for one, straight away imagined the infamous James Herbert’s (God rest his wonderfully, sadistically minded, genius soul – I love you James) ‘Rats’.  For those of you who haven’t read the book (you should be ashamed of yourselves, and don’t say “I watched the film instead” cos we all know it’s not the same), basically it starts out with one rat that attacks a person.  Granted, this rat is about 4 foot long and the ones we’re talking about here are just (presumably) regular sized rats, but still.  It starts off like that and eventually, people are crowded together in buildings, barricading windows, doors, everything basically (since rats can even chew through concrete, so there literally is nowhere to hide) watching their mates get eaten alive and their world destroyed by ever-enlarging flesh-eating rats.  Horrific, right?

Imagine that’s what it might be like?  Who knows what happens to ordinary sized rats when they eat til their bellies are full?  Maybe, like Pokemon, they suddenly evolve and start getting bigger and bigger until we’ve got creatures not unlike the ROUS’s (Rodents of Unusual Size – Princess Bride) on our hands.  Please see results below:-

I leave you with that wonderful image embedded firmly in your brains.  Where would we hide?  What would we do?  Thoughts below people.