So with it being nearly Christmas and all, I thought it prudent to write a relevant article.  I’m sometimes swayed by the cheesyness at Christmas and for some strange reason ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ in Sinatra’s dulcid tones have brought a tear to my eye of late (probably the reduction in my meds).  The tear soon fades though when it also reminds me of ‘Home Alone’.  Cracking film.

I’m not really one for the “magic” of Christmas any more.  It used to be a big deal in my family but as we’ve grown older and more apart, it’s less of a magical experience and more of a “let’s get pissed in front of shit Christmas telly, followed by ‘The Muppets Christmas Carol’ and ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ and possibly ‘The Wizard of Oz’ if my other half lets me”.  Me and my sister also used to have our own little tradition of watching the episode called ‘Dead Man’s Float’ from the 90’s kids TV show ‘Are You Afraid of the Dark?’ every Christmas Eve.  The episode aired on Christmas Eve one year and after that we made a point of watching it every year, much to our mum’s disgust as it wasn’t “very Christmassy”.  Which, you know, is fine.

Anyway, I digress.

For the reason that I’m not into romantic, sweet and cheesy versions of Christmas, this article is about a NOT-so jolly little fellow.  File:Krampus Morzger Pass Salzburg 2008 04.jpgHe’s called Krampus and he dates back to who knows when.  Primarily in Austria, parents used to tell their kids to be good all year or Krampus would come and take them away and eat them on Christmas Eve.  Now, Krampus, I’m led to believe is like Saint Nick’s evil twin brother.  Kind of like The Grinch but less annoying and more “well that little brat deserved to be eaten anyway – Krampus for Prime Minister!”.  He’s said to be cloven hoofed, with a pointed, forked tongue and a goat’s head.  He seeks out children who have been particularly naughty that year and grabs them and stuffs them into the sack he always carries with him, before dragging them off to his hidden lair whereupon he hangs them in the trees until he is ready to eat them.  Sounds horrific?  Well it’s probably nothing more than the little shits deserve.  In fact, in the days of old, there used to be a tradition in which Krampus (guy in a costume – NOT my cup of tea) used to travel around the local neighbourhood alongside Santa (another creepy pedo-like dude) terrifying children into being good.  Eventually, some sad bugger decided that this tradition would be banned because it was scaring the kids (and?) and now there sadly aren’t very many places that do this any more.

Looking at the picture to the right, I can kind of see why.  But I still don’t agree with it.  There are so many ungrateful kids in the world that sometimes I think a knock on their front door from this chap might turn them into non-ASBO-helping-little-old-ladies-across-the-road sorts.  Certainly would have sorted me out, I know that much.  Heck, Santa Claus used to scare the shit out of me when I was 3.  My mum used to take me to sit on his knee (frowned upon nowadays) and have my picture taken with him and then maybe I’d get a little gift afterwards.  I screamed and cried the place down the whole time.  And his presents were always shit.  I never once got a Sega Master System off him and when I finally got one off my mum and dad, my mum decided I didn’t play on it enough (yeah right??) and gave it to the girl across the road.  22 years on, and I still haven’t gotten over it.

I mean, check out that picture.  Can you see the kid in the background with his hood up (left hand side of Krampus).  He is literally frozen in fear.  That costume is pretty damn good though.  The kid is brave enough for even being THAT close.  I u-turn hundreds of metres in the other direction when Pudsey Bear is out and about *shudders* (no, really).

Krampus was brought to my attention by this week’s double episode of ‘Grimm’, which if you’ve never seen before, you should give it a go.  If this blog site interests you, then I assure you, ‘Grimm’ will too.

And to finish on a lighter note – for those of you who actually care about your kids and DON’T want them traumatised, my friends at work (all married mothers) rave about this site and say the kids love it at Christmas – give it a go 🙂

http://www.portablenorthpole.com/home

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